


That Ship Has Sailed.  At Least At Anchor Beach, Anyway.

by boardpresence



Category: Jonnor - Fandom, The Fosters (TV 2013), The Fosters (TV 2013) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2015-06-30
Packaged: 2018-04-07 01:27:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4244319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boardpresence/pseuds/boardpresence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The next school day after the snapback incident.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Ship Has Sailed.  At Least At Anchor Beach, Anyway.

            It was making that sound again.  That awful fucking sound.  Every damn day of the week, it made that sound.  And every day he slapped the shit out of it to make it stop. Today was particularly bad because the sound seemed to be mocking him.  Gay. Gay. Gay. Gay. Gay. Gay.  Jude reached for his shoe and silenced the alarm with extreme prejudice.  It was Monday morning.  He rolled back and stared at the ceiling and snarled “today is going to be awesome.” Not surprisingly, the ceiling was unmoved.  Jude had learned that the ceiling was a great listener, but not very supportive.

            Jude began his morning ritual.  Shower, teeth, deodorant, clothes.  He mumbled to himself “shit, clothes then deodorant you ass” as he scrubbed the white residue off his shirt.  He had been making that mistake recently.  Hair.  At least this part was taking less time now.  Connor had appealed for less hair product.  Food.  He usually liked this part.  Today it just tasted like anxiety and exposure.  Bicycle to school.

            As planned, he met Connor by the bench.  It was early enough that the school yard was essentially empty, save for a few of the overachievers.  He and Connor were here early because Jude was nervous about today and wanted to talk before the onslaught of questions. 

            “Do you want to know?” Connor asked quietly as Jude sat down.

            “Not really.” Jude looked around, and seeing no watchful eyes, slipped his hand into Connor’s. “Were people talking about us?”  Jude had asked Connor to keep a lookout on the giant bathroom wall that is social media.

            “Not really.”   

            “Just tell me none of it was from Taylor.”

            “No. Not Daria, either.”

            “I still can’t believe she told everyone.” Jude closed his eyes and rested the back of his head on the bench.

            “I don’t think it was everyone.”

            “Well, she told Wespe, and that’s enough.” Lamb Wespe-Shell (who names their kid Lamb?) had unceremoniously asked if Jude and Connor were “gay for each other” at Friday’s beach party.

            “Wespe didn’t say anything, either.”

            “Really?”

            “Really.”

            People were starting to trickle in.  Jude let go of Connor’s hand and stood. 

            Connor looked up at Jude and said “What do you want to do?”

            “Can we stick to the original plan?”

            “Jude, I mean, it’s out there.”

            “Well, maybe it’s not.  You said that people weren’t really talking about us.” Connor may have understated the level of discourse on the subject.  Jude picked up on this because Connor did not wear his emotions or thoughts on his sleeve, they were broadcast across his face like a billboard in Times Square.  Jude deflated back on to the bench.

            “There wasn't anything really mean, Jude.  And like, when it was, people defended us.  It’s really not that bad.” Connor rubbed Jude’s back, trying to accomplish with his hand what he felt he couldn’t do with his voice. Jude’s acquiescence to this seemed like permission to Connor, so he continued to do so until Taylor and Daria came sauntering up to them.

            The girls stood there awkwardly looking back and forth across the boys. Jude’s back and head were still crumpled into his knees.  Connor gave him a little pat on the back to conclude his consolation and said “hey.”

            Jude leaned back into an upright position.  He addressed the presence of Taylor and Daria by attempting to murder Taylor with his eyes.  He was a professional killer.   

            “I’m so sorry, Jude!” Taylor was near tears. “I didn’t think it would be a big deal for you.” Taylor was now actually in tears. 

            Jude relaxed his gaze.  For all of his anger, he was not about to be cruel.  He knew that she had the best of intentions.  “Look,” Jude said, standing and slinging his bag on his shoulder, “I’m upset, but not really at you.  I’m sorry.  I just don’t want this to be a thing.  I just want to be me.”

            Taylor cleared her eyes and said “thanks.  I still feel like a jerk, though.”

            Connor hobbled up onto his crutches. “Don’t worry about it.  We’ll be fine.”

            The look on Jude’s face said WTF, but whatever words he was about to say were cut off by Daria’s characteristic perky voice “Okay! Glad we’re all friends again! Let’s go in and act normal.”  She bobbed her head to the side. 

            “Normal?” Jude could not conceal his frustration.

            “Yes, normal.  You don’t want to make a thing of this, right? Well, not making a thing of it means we act normal. So get a grip, quit your pouting, and pretend like you’re not upset.”   

            Jude felt her words as if he had been hit in the face with a semi-frozen fish. It left him feeling a little wet, bruised, and in total shock.  You would feel the same, too, if you had been slapped with a semi-frozen fish. He couldn’t argue with her though. It was what he wanted. He just didn’t expect how bitter he would feel about it.

            Connor and Taylor passed a look of surprise at Daria’s comment, but said nothing. There was nothing for it but to head into class.

 

***

 

            The hallways were a twitter of activity, and Jude kept an ear out for commentary, but nothing came.  The other students passed by with nary a sideward look.  He opened his locker and shuffled through the pile of old homework for his English notebook.  He turned his head at the sound of Connor’s crutches clacking toward him.

            “See, no one is saying anything.” Connor whispered. 

            “You spoke too soon.” Jude sighed.  Behind Connor, Wespe approached.  Jude turned his body to face him full, his features hardening for the confrontation.  He was relieved when another student yelled out and summoned Wespe away and down the hall. Jude couldn’t help but notice that Wespe had given a backward glance at them as he walked away.

            “Let’s just stick together, okay?” Connor said, prodding Jude’s shin with his crutch. 

            The morning passed without much further incident.  There had been some hushed conversation and badly concealed glancing, but for the most part, they had been left alone. Whatever commentary was being made irked Jude, but it was not nearly as persistent as he thought it would be.  

             Jude, Connor, Taylor, and Daria met for lunch at their regular table outside. The meal had gone as usual until Taylor let out and audible groan.  The others looked at her.  She put down her seltzer and said with utter contempt “Marissa Hornblower and her little toadies are coming over.”

             Daria made a guttural and commiserating “ugh,” shaking her whole body in disgust.

             As the squad of girls came over, Jude was surprised to see Taylor and Daria perk up and smile.

            “Hey girls!” Marissa said, beaming.  Her flock tittered with subordinate hellos.

             Both Taylor and Daria stood up and joined in a round of hugs, light squealing, and awkward small talk about the weekend.  The chattering of the girls continued until Marissa turned her attention to Jude and Connor, who had been sitting there mystified by this entirely unexpected exchange.  She had ducked out of her conversation with one of the other girls and, in a manner that can be described as advertised secrecy, announced to the boys and perhaps everyone in a ten foot radius “Oh my god, you two are so cute together.”

             There was nothing particularly cute about them at the moment. Connor was in the middle of stuffing a turkey sandwich in his mouth, and Jude was trying to clean strawberry jam off of his jeans.  They looked at her as if she had suggested they make out on the spot.  Their reaction became immediately apropos as the next words out of her mouth were “You guys should kiss.”  She stood there staring at the boys, her face lingering on the border of giddiness and hysteria, clasping her hands together in prayer.

            Connor, Taylor, and Daria all looked at Jude.  If Marissa’s gang hadn’t all been repeating the request, you could have heard the whine of Jude’s inner tank-turret spinning toward Marissa, shells clunking into place, ready to fire.  His fight or flight response was a little haywire these days.  Friday it had been flight, but by Monday morning it had defaulted to tactical assault.

            The bell rang.  Jude felt Connor’s hand clutch his thigh underneath the table.  Marissa and friends stared, anticipating the gratification of their pleading. Taylor yelled “Hey, oh my god, Jude, don’t we have to talk to Timothy about our English assignment?”  She scuttled over to Jude and picked him up by his arms. 

            Confounded by this sudden flurry of activity, he obediently stood and grabbed his things.  “Okay then.” He huffed.

             Connor hastily gathered his own possessions and worked himself up, wrangling with his crutches.  He looked over at the girls, who were just now seeing that they would not get the show they wanted.  Jude, Connor, Taylor, and Daria beat a hasty retreat from their table amid the disappointed yammering of their gawking visitors.

             As soon as they were out of earshot, Jude said “What was that all about?”

             Taylor said “Oh god, which part?”

             “All of it.  A second before they came, I could have sworn you hated them.”

             “I do.  Just not to their faces. I’m pretty sure they hate Daria and I just as much.” Taylor replied blithely.  Daria nodded in agreement.

             “I don’t get it though, you guys were acting like friends.” Connor interjected.

             “We are and we aren't.  You just have to be nice.  All the time.  You play or you pay. And even then…” Daria trailed off, shrugging.

             “It sucks, but those are the rules.”  Taylor said.  She stopped and squared herself with Jude.  “Look, those girls are not going to give up on this.”

             “I don’t care.  I’m not making a spectacle of myself, and if they ask again I’m going to tell her to go fuck herself. ” Jude said resolutely.   

             “That’s…probably not the best idea.” Taylor warned.

             “Why? I don’t care what she thinks.”

             “It’s not that, Jude, it’s that right now she thinks you and Connor are cute. Right now, she likes you. If you get on her bad side, she’s like a perky serial killer.”

             “So, what, Connor and I should just do what she says?” Jude was incredulous.

             “Oh, no.  I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.  I’m just saying that you can’t be so…blunt.  She needs to be finessed into leaving you alone.”

             Jude’s anger and frustration were rising in his stomach like so much sewage from the street drains after a torrential rainfall.  He felt trapped.  This was not what he wanted. “So now what?” he asked.

             “I don’t know, we’ll think of something.  In the meantime, just try to avoid her.” Taylor replied.

              Jude shook his head. “I can’t believe this.  You know this wouldn’t-“

             “What’s done is done, Jude.  It was going to happen eventually.  It’s not like people weren’t starting to talk anyway.” Daria said, cutting off Jude’s complaints.  Again.

             Jude could not argue with this, either.  He knew there had been some rumors circulating, even when Connor had been making out with Daria in every corner of the school. Their breakup had hardly helped. “Let’s just drop it for now.” Jude said as he began the march to class.  The group followed suit.    

            After school, the boys went to Jude’s house to do their homework. In the midst of their math, Connor reached into his bag and pulled out a crumpled sheet of paper. He slid it across the table to Jude.  “So, I was thinking we could go to one of these meetings.” Connor braced himself.

            Jude took up the paper and began reading. “Connor,” he sighed, “I really don’t want to do this.” It was a flyer for the school’s LGBTQ+ club.

            “Come on.” He flicked Jude’s arm.

            “Argh.” Jude complained.  Connor was giving him the doe eyed puppy look.  It was like a special kind of torture for Jude.  “Okay, maybe.  I just need some time to gear up.  Maybe in a couple of weeks.”

            Connor’s face brightened at the small victory.  “Thanks.  It means a lot to me.”

            Jude wasn’t sure about the prospect of attending.  He had resigned himself to the fact that it was now a known fact he and Connor were boyfriends, but this still seemed like more than what he had bargained for.  A lot about the day had been more than he bargained for.  And totally different than he had expected. Though in hindsight he wasn’t even sure what he was actually expecting.  Not Marissa, that was for sure.

            Expectations or not, he had been left feeling drained and confused. He was sure that he didn’t want any attention, and that he wanted to be as discrete as possible. This did, however, conflict with his fundamental desire to be himself, to act like himself.  At the outset of the day he had been sure that he could have both, but by the end of it that seemed likely impossible, or at least impractical.  He wasn’t about to make a spectacle of himself and Connor.  That was off the table, but maybe he could find a path. He just needed to think it through.   He sighed and listed his weight against Connor.  “I just need some time.”  

            Connor wrapped his arm around Jude’s shoulders and rested his head on Jude’s fluffy hair.  “That’s fine.” He turned his head and lightly placed his lips on Jude’s temple. “Maybe before we graduate, though.” He chuckled.

            Jude smirked. “I think I can do that.” 


End file.
